Healing at Two Years.
December 16th marked an end to an important period for my family.
In these past two years we have banded together and improved our Self-Efficacy. Working as a family unit to improve our belief systems, motivation, thought processes, patterns of behavior and emotional states, which in turn helps enhance our accomplishments and personal well being for the future (Bandura, 1977). On the other hand, maybe it was just to get back to a new normal. Funny, we had no idea they were even broken, but hey why not stand up to the challenge of self-improvement.
Two years ago, my husband, and I lost our second son, my son lost his baby brother, and our family was shaken to its core. How in the world can any repair such a gaping hole left by loss?
Throughout this time, I believe we have danced along using all four of the theoretical constructs. The mastery experience- it seemed we had to master the situation or else we would never know happiness again. In this time we thought about the fact how others could simply mourn forever and never really get back to the reality that time was going to march on with or without us. We had to master figuring out how to enjoy the little things in life all over again, as well as realize how blessed we were to have one healthy child. It wouldn’t be fair for him to lose his little brother and then lose his happy parents as well. situations happen good and bad, it really showed us it is all about your approach and mindset to the perceived problem.
Vicarious Experience- it just so happened that most of our family friends had also been pregnant along the same time I was. Our family really got a glimpse into both sides of the situation. Although our friends all had happy, healthy babies and pregnancies we were able to see and reminisce what it would have been like to have a successful outcome. In this time, thanks to Facebook I met a lot of families that were going through our difficulties as well. Of course no two stories were the same we all had a sick baby in common and were able to know that through the struggles we weren’t entirely alone and that the ‘feelings’ we were having no matter what they were, were “normal” because truthfully at this point what in the world is normal anyways.
All in all, here we are two years later. I cannot even begin to describe the enjoyment I have for this very moment.
Hope every one has a Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!
Reference: Bandura, A. (1994) Self Efficacy, Retrieved December 19, 2015 from https://www.uky.edu/~eushe2/Bandura/BanEncy.html